Reality of Death
by Lady Mari-chan
Summary: Every Shinigami goes through a death reality check at some point in their afterlife. Hisoka Kurosaki is about to experience his own.


Reality of Death

Disclaimer: I do not own...no money made

Pairings: None

Summary: Every Shinigami goes through a death reality check at some point in their afterlife. Hisoka Kurosaki is about to experience his own.

Tsuzuki walked through the front door to the office of the Shinigami. He said good morning to his co-workers as he made his way to his desk at the back of the room. He placed his jacket on the back of his chair and looked to the desk to his left. Usually Hisoka Kurosaki would already be sitting there chiding him for being late. However today, Hisoka was nowhere in sight.

Tsuzuki looked around and heard Watari in his lab. He walked in and found the blond scientist at one of the computer terminals.

"Watari, have you seen Hisoka?"

Watari looked up from his screen and turned to Tsuzuki. "No not yet today. Maybe he's running late."

"Maybe, but its not like him."

"You can ask Tatsumi, he may have heard from Bon."

"I will, thanks."

Tsuzuki walked back out and found Tatsumi at the copier.

"Tatsumi, have you heard from Hisoka?"

"Yes, he called in. He said he felt a little under the weather."

Tsuzuki went back to his desk and sat down. He was puzzled, Hisoka never took a day off unless 1) his marks appeared, 2) he was so sick he couldn't get out of bed, or 3)…well, there was no three.

Tsuzuki made a note to check in on his partner later on.

Hisoka sat beside the large window in his living room. He stared out at the buildings and the sky that threatened to rain. He exhaled, loudly. He wasn't feeling ill; he just…well, he wasn't sure what he was feeling. He exhaled again and pulled his legs closer to himself. Outside the rain began to fall, tapping against the window with a strange staccato. The sky opened up then, sending waves of water racing along the glass pane. Hisoka noticed the clarity of the glass was hazy and when he went to run his hand over the cool pane, he realized the haziness wasn't from the glass but from the tears falling from his green eyes.

Tsuzuki couldn't focus on his work. His appetite was gone, and the plate of sweets beside him sat untouched. He was worried. He was worried about Hisoka. His co-workers could sense it, as he wasn't driving everyone nuts.

Tatsumi closed the door to the Chiefs office. He walked to stand in front of the desk. Chief Konoe looked up from his paper.

"Its Tsuzuki." Tatsumi said.

"What is he up to now?"

"That's just it. He's not. He's quiet, not eating and not being a distraction to anyone. Its rather annoying."

"Any word about Kurosaki?"

"Not since this morning."

"Maybe we should let him go for the day. I guarantee he'll go right to the kids place. Perhaps if they have some time together away from work, they may be able to help each other."

"Very well. I'll let him know to go."

The rain continued to fall. Hisoka had moved from the bench beside the window to the sofa. He had a blanket thrown over him and was nursing a mug of tea. The TV was on and was currently showing a rerun of an old movie. Hisoka had seen this movie more times than even he cared to admit, but it brought him comfort and right now he needed comfort.

He fell in and out of a light sleep as the movie played and hadn't noticed the amount of time that had passed. He heard a knock at the door and stood up to open it. He pulled the door back to reveal a soaked Tsuzuki. He was holding a bag full of what Hisoka assumed to be food.

"Tsuzuki. Come in."

Hisoka stepped back to allow his partner in and took the bag from his arms. He then pulled the blanket from his shoulders and offered it to Tsuzuki who smiled and pulled the blanket around him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to check in on you."

"But you should be at work."

"I know. Tatsumi sent me home. He stated the office couldn't work because I was too quiet."

Hisoka smiled slightly. "Make yourself at home. Do you want some tea?"

"Please." Tsuzuki said.

A few minutes later Hisoka sat alongside Tsuzuki and they both had mugs of tea.

Tsuzuki looked sideways at Hisoka. "How are you feeling?"

Hisoka shrugged "I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

Hisoka placed his mug down and shifted to face Tsuzuki. "I'm not sure what's wrong. I'm not sick, I just feel like everything I know is tumbling down around me and I know its not."

Tsuzuki looked at him. "When is your anniversary?"

"Of my death? Not for a few more months. Why?"

"I could be wrong, but it sounds like you are beginning your death reality."

"Death reality?" Hisoka asked.

"Mmm. Usually once you die, you get judged and move to heaven or hell without much time passing. But as a Shinigami, we are able to move between the living world and our own."

"Right. I know that."

"I know you do. During the course of living between the two worlds, we are faced with the possibility of meeting up with someone we knew when we were alive. For me, that has always terrified me and pushed me forward. Of course these days most of the people I knew have passed over. But for you, it's only been a few years and you still have the possibility of running into something or someone from your living life."

"What does this have to do with death reality?"

Tsuzuki smiled. "I know, longwinded. What I'm trying to say is that we all, as Shinigami, go through a period of time where the fact that we are indeed dead becomes very clear and we mourn our own life."

Hisoka shifted again. "But I know I'm dead."

"It happens when your mind catches up with the knowledge and accepts it."

Hisoka leaned back against the sofa. "But why do I feel like this? Shouldn't acceptance of something bring relief?"

"It can. But it can also awaken other emotions."

Hisoka smiled at his friend. "Since when are you so smart."

Tsuzuki placed his mug down and mimicked Hisoka's sitting position. "I've been dead a long time. I have seen many Shinigami go through their own death realities. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, people have done some strange things to prove that they are truly dead."

"Such as?"

"You can't tell anyone I told you this. You have to promise."

"I promise."

"Well, There's a certain Shinigami who happens to turn into a dog that decided to jump from a 25 story building."

"What happened?"

"He left a large dent in the walkway in front and had to repay the damages."

"You're kidding."

"Not at all."

"What did you do when you went through yours?"

Tsuzuki rubbed at his right wrist. "Well, I'm not too proud of what I did, but I kept cutting my wrist. As I died through suicide, I wanted to see if it was real."

"Is it normal to feel nothing? To not want to do anything?"

"I guess so. Some people don't do anything. Others celebrate. Its all up to the individual."

" I want to go back?"

"What?"

"I want to return to the place where I was cursed."

Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka with concern. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I just want some form of closure. I know who cursed and killed me and there is nothing I can do about that. Perhaps if I return to the place where it all began I can end it there."

"If that's what you want to do, then I'm going with you."

"I was going to ask you to. I can't face that alone. Not yet."

"When do you want to go?"

Hisoka looked at the TV. "As soon as possible. Tomorrow."

Tsusuki nodded. "I'll let the office know. But for now, I brought food for us"

Hisoka smiled. "Hopefully its still edible after being in the rain."

"I'm sure its fine." Tsuzuki said as he stood up and walked to the kitchen.

Tatsumi sat behind his desk going over paperwork submitted by the Shinigami in the office. He marked the current paper and moved to another pile. The phone next to him rang and he moved to pick the phone up.

"Tatsumi."

On the other end of the phone, Tsuzuki spoke.

"Tatsumi, its Tsuzuki."

"Yes, Tsuzuki. How is Hisoka?"

"He's doing OK. I believe he's going through his reality."

"Really? What makes you say that?"

"Tatsumi, you know I have seen more Shinigami's go through reality's more than anyone. I know the signs. Hisoka is not sure how's he's feeling. He's depressed and deeply confused. He has no motivation, and is unable to focus."

Tatsumi thought about what Tsuzuki was saying. "Has he tried to do anything?"

"Not yet. He wants to go back to the hillside."

"Is that wise?"

"Its his choice. This is what he wants to do."

"You're going to go with him?"

"Yes."

"Ok. When does he want to go?"

"Tomorrow."

"OK, I'll let the chief know."

"Tatsumi?"

"Yes?"

"Lets have a party for Hisoka."

"A party?"

"His reality deserves to be celebrated. Look at what he's accomplished since starting here. I think he will benefit from it. He has said it himself that he never had love and support when he was alive. We are his family and we need to show we support him. Please?"

Tatsumi removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He swore he could see the golden ears and tail sprout from Tsuzuki as he said please. "Fine. We'll put it together. You go with Kurosaki tomorrow and we will have the party tomorrow night."

"Thank you Tatsumi. " Tsuzuki said.

Tatsumi swore he could hear the grin in Tsuzuki's voice as he hung up the phone.

Early the next evening, Tsuzuki arrived at Hisoka's house. Hisoka opened the door and let Tsuzuki in. Tsuzuki milled around the kitchen while Hisoka went back to getting ready. Several minutes later he reappeared.

"Are you ready?" Hisoka asked.

"Yes. Did you eat?"

"Earlier."

"Nervous?"

"Yes, and anxious."

"Well." Tsuzuki said. "I'm ready when you are."

Hisoka pulled his jacket from the back of the chair and walked toward the door. Tsuzuki followed. Hisoka opened the front door and the two stepped outside. Hisoka locked the door behind them and placed the keys into his pocket.

Tsuzuki stepped beside Hisoka. "As you know where we are going, I'll need to be in contact with you."

Hisoka nodded, extending his hand. Tsuzuki gently took hold. Hisoka nodded again and they both disappeared.

Hisoka and Tsuzuki materialized just beyond the Kurosaki Mansion. Hisoka looked around and gathered his bearings.

"This way." He told Tsuzuki and set off towards the back of the mansion.

"Do you know where you're going?"

"Yes. Once we get behind the mansion, the path will become clear."

Tsuzuki nodded and followed behind Hisoka. They turned a corner that lead directly behind the mansion wall and continued to walk on. Hisoka looked around.

"You OK?" Tsuzuki whispered.

"Yeah, I just don't want to be seen by anyone."

Tsuzuki smiled. "We won't be seen, we're dead."

A short distance later Hisoka stopped. To his left, the hedges opened in a makeshift arch and the sprawling grounds behind the house opened in front of them.

"Wow, Hisoka, this place is huge. Does your family own all this land?"

"Not quite. Due to the rumors of the Kurosaki curse, the land here has always remained untouched. I think people are too scared of the story."

"I see." Tsuzuki said looking around.

The moon chose to make its entrance from behind a cloud at that moment, the rising orb turning everything red from the upcoming eclipse. Hisoka visually shivered. Tsuzuki placed a hand on his shoulder.  
>"Are you sure you want to do this?"<p>

"Yes. I have to."

"Ok."

Together they walked from the archway and out into the moonlight. Hisoka looked as he walked and then found what he was looking for.

"Over here." He pointed and turned to walk. In front of them stood a large stone. Behind that was a majestic Cherry tree.

Hisoka moved closer to the large rock and stopped. He placed his hand on the cold stone and looked at the ground below.

Tsuzuki stopped next to him and looked around.

Hisoka continued to look out over the cliff as he spoke. "If you look at the grass, you'll notice it hasn't grown back."

Tsuzuki squatted down and ran his hand over the dead grass. "I've never seen this before."

Hisoka looked down at his partner. "This is the spot where it happened. I couldn't do anything to stop him. All I could do was scream."

Tsuzuki stood back up and looked at Hisoka. He noticed a tear forming in the corner of Hisoka's eye. "Hey, Its OK."

Hisoka nodded.

Tsuzuki snaked his arm around Hisoka's shoulders and pulled him closer. "You may not have been able to do anything then, but look how far you've come."

"I know." Hisoka said brushing a tear away. "I'm stronger than I have ever been and that for the most part is because of you."

"Have you ever told anyone about that night?"

"No, never. The people that have an idea have read what's in my file."

"Would telling me help you?"

Hisoka looked up. "You sure you want to hear?"

Tsuzuki smiled. "Yeah. I only got the jest of it from…well you know."

Hisoka nodded again. He looked around and found a bench. He walked over and sat down. Tsuzuki followed behind and sat beside him.

Hisoka looked out over the cliff once again. "It was a night like this. Except the eclipse was in full swing. The moon cast a blood red hue over everything. I remember that the wind was blowing and the cherry tree was swaying."

Tsuzuki nodded.

Hisoka continued. "I couldn't sleep. I left my room and decided to walk around the courtyard. The moonlight beckoned me and I left the confines of the estate. I followed the path just as we did tonight and when I walked out the moonlight threw its shadow and I saw him."

"Muraki."

"Yes. He didn't see me at first; he was too busy restraining a woman. I tried to look away, but I was glued to the actions in front of me. I watched as Muraki lifted a knife into the air and plunged it into the woman's chest. Her blood matched the moonlight and she died quickly. I gasped and began to back away. I must have stepped on a twig because he heard me. He dropped the woman's body to the ground and began to advance towards me. I backed up further and turned. I had gotten about 5 feet when I felt it."

"It?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Some sort of spell. Like a hand reaching out and holding me in one spot. He chased me down, grabbed me and tossed me to the ground like a rag doll."

Tsuzuki looked at his partner, who in turn was staring at the ground.

"You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to."

Hisoka looked over to Tsuzuki. "It's fine. It's helping me to tell it."

Tsuzuki smiled "Please continue."

Hisoka continued. "He was on top of me before I could even get my bearings. He ripped the clothes from my body and began to carve the curse into my flesh."

Tsuzuki noticed as Hisoka spoke his arms unconsciously snaked their way around him in an attempt to warm himself up. Tsuzuki slowly brought his arm up and wrapped it around Hisoka's shoulders.

Hisoka leaned into the embrace and continued his story. "As he carved he did the unthinkable. I screamed, begged him to stop, but he didn't hear me, no one heard me. The next thing I knew I was being woken up by one of the housekeepers. I was back in my kimono curled into a fetal position. I had no memory of how I had gotten to this spot. I was too embarrassed to mention the pain I was in and seeing as how Muraki had cleaned me up before leaving, there was no evidence of anything."

Hisoka rubbed his arm as his curse marks revealed themselves. "The symptoms began about a month later and the next three years were hell."

Tsuzuki pulled Hisoka closer and Hisoka allowed himself to be pulled. They sat together in silence for a few minutes. Tsuzuki looking at Hisoka and Hisoka staring at the ground.

Tsuzuki dropped his arm and stood up. Hisoka looked up.

"Come on." Tsuzuki said extending his hand. "You've survived and by making this trip you have closure. You've gone through your reality and you're stronger for it. Now its time to go home."

Hisoka looked up. "That's it? That's my reality?"

Tsuzuki straightened up. "Well, There is something else, but I can't tell you just yet." He extended his hand again. "Trust me, I wouldn't do anything to put you in danger, not when you're vulnerable."

Hisoka gave him a sideways glance but took his hand and let himself be pulled to his feet.

Tsuzuki pulled his partner into a hug and relaxed when Hisoka didn't push him away. Instead he brought his arms up to return the hug.

"Thank you Tsuzuki."

"You're welcome." He replied, gently kissing the top of Hisoka's head. "Lets go home."

Hisoka nodded.

Tsuzuki smiled and transported them back to Ju Oh Cho.

Watari stood back from the main table and looked at his handiwork. Attached to the wall behind the long table a sign hung on the wall. "Congratulations Hisoka! We are so proud of you!"

Yuma walked up beside him. "I like the sign, eloquent and cheesy."

Watari smiled. "That's what I was going for. Hisoka will hate it."

Yuma paused and turned to face him. "You want him to hate the sign?"

"In Hisoka language, his hating the sign will mean he really likes it." He smiled again. "You need to hang out with him more often."

"I would if he would wear the dresses we bring him."

"You know that's never gonna happen?"

Yuma patted Watari on the back. "Never say never, my friend. The afterlife lasts a long time."

Watari stared at Yuma's back as she walked away. He suddenly realized that he felt sorry for Hisoka and for the first time understood why he always tried to keep his distance from the two women. A small smile lit the corners of him mouth while he thought. 'It would be interesting if they actually got the kid into one of those getups.'

Tsuzuki and Hisoka appeared in front of Tsuzuki's place. Tsuzuki released his hold on his partner and moved to step back, but Hisoka didn't budge, his arms wrapped tightly around Tsuzuki's chest. Tsuzuki felt it before he heard the quiet sobs, the wetness soaking into his shirt as Hisoka cried. He snaked his arms back around Hisoka and just held him.

"Its Ok, Hisoka." Tsuzuki crooned as he rubbed small circles on Hisoka's back.

Hisoka began to pull away and Tsuzuki released his hold. He bent down slightly to look at Hisoka. "Better?"

Hisoka nodded and wiped his face with his hand.

"Lets go inside and clean up. Then it's onto the next part of your reality."

Tsuzuki unlocked the door and went inside. Hisoka followed.

They walked into Tsusuki's bedroom and Hisoka was surprised to see one of his dress suits laid out on the bed.

"Um Tsuzuki?" Hisoka asked.

"Yeah, I had it brought over. Don't be angry, I promised to have you dressed up tonight."

Hisoka felt the corners of his mouth curl upwards in a smile.

"You can use the shower first. Everything is in there for you."

Tsuzuki stepped aside and out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Hisoka looked around and sighed. He removed his jacket and placed it on the chair next to the bed. He ran his hand through his hair and walked into the bathroom.

Tsuzuki walked from the bedroom and into the living room. He moved to the desk tucked away in the corner of the room and opened a small drawer. He pulled a small box out and opened it. Inside a smaller black velvet box sat. He dropped the box into his palm and turned it over. Carefully he opened the hinged lid, looked inside and smiled. He closed the box and placed it down on the table.

Hisoka allowed the warm water to run over his head and down over his body. The water washing away memories of his past. He felt different. Revisiting that place had lifted a weight. He felt lighter, happier, and safer. He smiled to himself, no one would believe the new happier, less grouchy Hisoka actually exsisted. He would show the new him slowly. He leaned back and felt the water wash over his face. He knew he had Tsuzuki to thank for it. Without Tsuzuki, he knew he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have survived this long. He turned around and turned the faucets off.

Watari closed the door of his closet and looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection smiled back at him. Dressed in a dark suit, with his hair pulled back and neatly tied at the nape of his neck, Watari looked elegant. He straightened his tie and turned to leave his apartment.

Yuma knocked on Saya's door. "Aren't you ready yet?"

"No." Came the reply.

"Saya, we have to leave. What's the holdup?"

"I don't have a thing to wear?"

Yuma heaved a sigh and opened the door. Her eyes were met with her partner and best friend mostly hidden under a pile of dresses.

"Saya! What the heck?"

Saya moved and dislodged some if the clothes. "I want to wear something flowy and light, but sexy."

Yuma smiled. "You do know that you just contradicted yourself. Wear the green outfit. You always get compliments with that outfit."

"Ok." Saya said trying to get up. "Help?"

Yuma laughed outright and stepped into the pile of clothes to help her friend.

Hisoka stepped out from the bedroom and walked down the hallway. He was dressed in the suit with the jacket folded over his arm.

"Tsuzuki?"

"I'm in the living room." Came the reply.

Hisoka walked in and saw Tsuzuki sitting on the sofa. "The bathroom is all yours."

"Thank you, Hisoka." Tsuzuki said standing up. "I've made some tea if you're thirsty. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Ok." Hisoka replied as he placed his jacket over the back of an armchair. He moved to pick up the remote control and turned the TV on. He flipped through the channels and decided on an afterlife news program. The program was currently interviewing the count at the hall of candles about the new sorting program being introduced at the ministry. Hisoka looked around the room and noticed a small box on the corner table. The box had a small note attached. He leaned over and turned the paper in his fingers.

'To Hisoka, from Tsuzuki.'

Hisoka let the paper go and went back to the TV. He kept looking between the TV and the box. He didn't notice Tsuzuki standing in the doorway.

"I'm surprised you haven't given in and opened the box."

Hisoka turned around. "Tsuzuki!"

"You can open it. It's just a little something."

Hisoka leaned over and picked up the box. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know. I wanted to." Tsuzuki said as he sat down beside Hisoka.

Hisoka slowly undid the wrapping paper and placed the paper on the table. He opened the box.

"Oh Tsuzuki, its beautiful."

"Do you like it?"

"Yes, You didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to."

Hisoka lifted the gold ring from the box and turned it over in his hand. He looked at the design and the engraving.

Tsuzuki smiled as he watched Hisoka. "It's a cessation ring. You wear it on the ring finger on your right hand. The inscription translates to 'facing future with clear heart, mind and spirit'."

Hisoka slipped the ring onto his finger and looked at it. "Its lovely, Tsuzuki. Thank you." He said as leaned over and hugged his friend and partner.

Tsuzuki hugged him back and after a moment he pulled away. "We should get going. You don't want to be late to your own party."

They both stood up and Hisoka put on his jacket. The two headed out the front door and once Tsuzuki had locked the door they walked the short distance to the ministry.

The ministry was quiet when Tsuzuki and Hisoka arrived. Although the night staff was working they were rarely seen in the corridors. Tsuzuki and Hisoka walked down the ornate hallway towards the office of the Shinigami. They passed the office door and continued towards one of the larger rooms.

Watari peeked around the corner and listened for the sounds of his friends. Inside the room the other staff members were waiting in the dark to surprise Hisoka. Watari heard the sound of Tsuzuki's shoes and ducked back into the room.

"Everyone be quiet, they're here."

Tsuzuki stopped in front of the closed conference room door. He opened the door and allowed Hisoka to step inside.

"Let me get the light." Tsuzuki said as the door closed behind them, leaving them in the dark.

Hisoka's eyes began to assimilate to the dark when the lights flicked on causing him to blink.

"SURPRISE!" Yelled everyone causing Hisoka to almost fall over.

"What is this?" He asked looking around. His eyes came upon the sign hanging lopsided on the wall. "Congratulations Hisoka! We are so proud of you!"

He looked around at all the people. "How did you…?" He looked to Tsuzuki, who grinned like a cat. "Thank you."

The next few hours were spent with music, food and all around good times. Saya and Yuma pawed all over Hisoka and he took it all good-naturedly. Watari and Tatsumi gave him one armed hugs and Terazuma managed to shake his hand without transforming. Hisoka noticed Wakaba standing close by with a fuda paper in her hand just in case. Even the Count made an appearance along with Watson. He gave Hisoka a hug, as well as he could for being invisible. Watson handed Hisoka a box with a selection of flavored and herbal teas hand selected by the Count. Hisoka was honored as the box also contained a personal invitation to have tea with the Count in the hall of candles.

The party began to wind down and soon most people had retired for the night.

Hisoka had given up on the suit he began the night in and had removed the jacket and tie. Tsuzuki sat at the large table with a drink in front of him. Hisoka walked over and placed his hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," Tsuzuki said. "Just relaxing."

Hisoka leaned over Tsuzuki and wrapped his arms around him. He brought his head down to rest on Tsuzuki's shoulder.

"What's this for?" Tsuzuki asked reaching up to pat Hisoka's arms.

"Just because." Hisoka said.

The two stayed that way for several moments before Hisoka released his hold and straightened up.

"I'm going to head home. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted."

"Want me to walk you home?"

"That's ok." Hisoka said. "I'll be fine."

Tsuzuki nodded. "Have a good night."

"I will, you too." Hisoka said, picking up his jacket and tie. He said goodnight to the others and left the room.

Watari walked over to Tsuzuki. "You going to head out also?"

"I'll help you clean up first."

Watari smiled. "There isn't much to do. Go on home."

"Thanks Watari. You and Tatsumi did a great job."

Tatsumi turned to face them both. "You know I can't say no to you."

Tsuzuki perked up. "You say no to me all the time."

Tatsumi smiled. "Go home Tsuzuki."

Hisoka walked the short distance to his home and let himself in. He placed his jacket over the back of a chair and moved into the kitchen to place the box of tea on the counter. As he placed the box down the overhead light caught the ring on his finger. He turned the ring on his finger and smiled. Thanks to his partner and friends he would face the future with a clear heart, mind and spirit.

End


End file.
